I used to love Christmas time! It has always been my favorite time of the year! People seem to smile more, there is a little more “pep” in peoples steps, and everywhere you look, you see LOVE. Families come together to celebrate, exchange gifts, eat WAY too much food, and just be together, because of the love they share. Often times friends do the same through various ChrisItmas parties and other activities. Again, because they share a love for each other.
Unfortunately, in my family, there has been so many instances, or episodes, of various problems, none of which would have occurred if there were true, unconditional and familial love between the persons involved. I know I was not the greatest of parents with my kids as they grew up. I know I made every mistake in the book, and many that never even made it into the book!! But I have learned over the past couple of years a lot about repentance, forgiveness, and loving no matter what.
I have asked for forgiveness from my children for the things I put them through growing up, and all have said they forgave me, but through their actions I know they did not truly forgive me. I have asked God for forgiveness, and have been granted that forgiveness by Him.
Thank heavens that God doesn’t hold grudges! Or throw something that happened 10-15 or more years ago, into every disagreement you have! Once God forgives you of something, it is over, gone, never thought of again. Why can’t humans be that way? I guess they could, if they were to forgive like God forgives them, but so many do not. I think many times they do not have a good understanding of what actual forgiveness involves, and they surely won’t listen to me tell what it is supposed to be like! They have to choose themselves to WANT to know what true forgiveness is all about, and WANT to truly forgive someone (in this case, me), and let the past be just that, the past. Over, done with, unable to be changed, but can be forgiven and forgotten.
Today, Christmas day, we had our family Christmas at my house. It saddens me somewhat when I hear of people going to Christmas at this relatives or that, and having multiple Christmas’s with family and dear friends. They celebrate at each one with lots of delicious food, exchanging of gifts, lots of together photos with big smiles on their faces. Almost seems like something off a Lifetime movie, doesn’t it? My family, at least my husband and I, have only one Christmas with our children and grandchildren. We don’t get invited to other family Christmas’s, and then there are some family members we just don’t visit. I know one day we will regret that, but there is just too much pain still present from various past hurts, to allow those visits to happen.
I am working on my part of that pain. I pray to God almost daily asking Him to help me get beyond this pain or anger or whatever feeling it is that I have, that prevents me from having a relationship, a close relationship, with whatever relative I am having the problem with. I am pleased to say that I have been able to ask God for forgiveness for my feelings, and I have asked Him for guidance, wisdom, and courage to ask the person directly for forgiveness. I just have not put myself in a situation where I am near those people to ask for forgiveness, and honestly, I don’t know if the situation will ever present itself. I do want that situation to occur, but honestly, it frightens me. The forgiveness to be sought and given, by both parties, is related to some very difficult and hurtful situations.
Then, there are the situations with my children. They don’t anxiously anticipate coming to my house for a holiday gathering. They come, I think, because of a feeling of obligation, or maybe it’s just to see the others that will be here, or possibly just for the food and gifts. I don’t know for sure. I haven’t asked because I might not like the answer. I want to do whatever I can to change that. I want my children to WANT to come over to my house and just visit, or play games, or especially at holidays, I want them to WANT to come over here. But I don’t know what I can do to make that happen, other than pray. And believe me, I do that!
Maybe this next week, while my husband is off on vacation, I will be able to convince him to take a trip with me, to ask for forgiveness from a couple of family members who deserve that. Please join me in prayer that this happens, so that hopefully, my life can get a little closer to being on the path God wants it on.
Thank you so much for your prayers and any and all comments are appreciated!
I hope each of my followers has had a very Merry CHRISTmas!! And I pray you all have a wonderful, exciting, and prosperous new year! God bless you all is my prayer tonight.